Think Happy!

“How to keep your New Year’s Resolutions” has, unsurprisingly, been a popular topic on blogs and websites over the last couple of months. With only 20% of us managing to keep our resolutions throughout the year, I figure we could use all of the good tips we can get.

The good news is that three months in, some research records that 63% of people say they are still keeping their resolutions. So, some point over the next nine months, 43% of us will finally cave in. That – along with some people’s choice to give something up for Lent – makes now the perfect time to add a little more fuel to the fire and firm up those resolutions.

But, with so much good advice out there, why am I adding to the list? It’s simple really – I’ve not seen this tip anywhere else. And, as bold as it might sound, I believe that the 1 tip I’m including below is the icing on the cake. In fact, without this 1 step, all of the good advice in the world won’t help you keep your resolutions. (That should give-away that what I’m saying is hardly rocket science and has possibly only not been listed elsewhere because it’s just so damn obvious!)

The 1 Key to Keeping your New Year’s Resolutions

You’re gonna kick yourselves, but the 1 step to keeping your New Year’s Resolutions is actually incredibly simple:

You Have to WANT it!

I know what you’re thinking – that’s ridiculously obvious. That may be so, but that doesn’t mean it’s taken as seriously, or given as much credit, as it should be.

For example, the top two New Year’s Resolutions are:

1. Lose Weight
2. Quit Smoking

The trouble is, hardly anyone wants to do those things. And, as if it needs saying, no one’s going to do something they don’t want to do. As Blaise Pascal, the renowned 17th century philosopher and mathematician wrote:

“All men seek happiness without exception. They all aim at this goal however different the means they use to attain it. . . .They will never make the smallest move but with this as its goal. This is the motive of all the actions of all men, even those who contemplate suicide.”

You know you’ve got to lose weight, yet you find yourself strolling past the Fridge at 1am. Inside is the piece of pie that’s been destined for your stomach ever since you optimistically declined it at dinner-time. Essentially, you end up with 2 choices: i) don’t eat the pie, ii) eat the pie. Even with the novelty “DO NOT ENTER!” sticker on the door, your will-power doesn’t stand a chance!

The thing is, you don’t want to not eat the pie. You know it and the fridge knows it! In fact, some people argue that the brain has no ability to process negative commands. A cheap example would be, instructing someone to not think of a pink Elephant. I’m yet to meet someone who doesn’t instantly picture one.

So, how do we keep our resolutions, if we can not not do those things that we want? In other words, how do we avoid thinking of pink Elephants? Simple! As the novelist, Flannery O’Connor, said, “Always you renounce a lesser good for a greater.” The easy way, in fact, the only way to avoid picturing pink Elephants is to think of blue Giraffes. In other words, replace the negative with a positive.

It’s a simple case of translating what you don’t want to do, into something that you do.

Let’s go back to that fridge. Don’t stick a NO ENTRY sign on the door, literally, or theoretically. You want to enter and therefore you will. So, what you have to do is find something that you want more than the piece of cake. Instead, stick a photo of yourself on your Wedding day on the fridge door. (We’ll come back to this photo, below.) You are then choosing between i) eating the cake and ii) getting the figure you want. Not a negative in sight!

Break it Down!

As well as translate negatives into positives, it is helpful to break down your positive desires into workable actions. Looking at the choices above – i) eating the cake, or ii) getting the figure you want – the first is easily within reach and can be satisfied immediately. The second might be far off in the future and require more than a little work. Therefore, unless you’re incredibly motivated and disciplined, the promise of instant gratification is difficult to resist. So, the key is to break it down and make it practical. That is, fight instant gratification with instant gratification!

Perhaps a fairer fight is not eating the cake versus getting the figure you want, but eating the cake versus losing two pounds this week. Or, eating the cake versus getting into those trousers that are just a little too small for you. Or, …well, you know better than me what would work for you.

The idea of losing two pounds a week is, of course, another way to break it down. Weekly reminders and smaller, incremental, targets along the way are often a very good idea.

A particularly useful tip for breaking it down is to satisfy the opposite desire. For example, fight the temptation for a cigarette by going for a nice brisk walk, taking in the crisp clean air and enjoying the fragrance of Spring. Resist the urge for a cake with an exhilarating ride on the exercise bike. Again, you know better than me what works for you. The key is both to choose an alternative pleasure and to see it as a taster of where it is you’re heading.

Watch where you’re going!

It sounds too simple to be true, but visualisation realy works. Your mind acts upon what is ’sees’, whether that’s forming phobias based on nasty memories or pumping all sorts of chemicals through your body because of imagined futures (flight or fight).

The key is to constantly visualise what it will look and feel like when you have achieved your goals. See how you will act once you have achieved the goal – and then act as though you already have.

New research in the field of personality and social sciences demonstrates that visualizing your success increases ones chances of success. What was especially interesting was that visualization was more successful when viewed from the “third-person” as if witnessing a movie of one self vs. seeing this success in the “first-person” (i.e., I will do this goal…). This “third-person” technique, according to the writers, increases ones acheivement motivation.

A “third-person” viewpoint focuses on personal abilities and efforts vs. luck of the situation. It has been long understood that people who see success as internal vs. external do better at specific tasks and goals. For example, if you believe that your success if based on your abilities instead of your circumstances, you are more likely to achieve a goal. (Seeing Future Success, Vasquez & Buehler)

This works in the case of keeping resolutions because we are focusing upon – and actually believing in – where we want to go and the good thing that we want, rather than seeing ourselves where we currently are (which is not where we want to be). This is why the incentive of the photo on the fridge works far better than the “No Entry” sign. Instead of constantly reminding ourselves of what we can’t have, thus reinforcing the desire, we focus on the potential of a different future, strengthening our desire for that outcome

(The photo also serves the purpose of providing a visible reminder. It really is worth giving it a go.)

Keep on keeping on

This final tip is not directly related to my main point, however it is vital to your success. This was brought home to me when a friend resolved to give up Pepsi at the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, she went out for a drink with some colleagues in early January and ordered and drank a Pepsi before she’d even realised what she did. At that point, she had a choice: bemoan her failure to keep her resolution for more than a couple of weeks, or start again.

It makes you think, doesn’t it? If we resolved to keep resolving every time we broke a resolution, how many more of us would reach the end of the year with our resolutions still intact?

After all, you want to keep them, don’t you?