The American Sociologist, Tony Campolo, once said,

“For 18 years, I thought I thought I was depressed. Then, I found out I was just tired!”

Though ‘Sleeping Better’ may seem like a strange topic for a Happiness blog, it’s importance could hardly be over-stated. If you are not sleeping well, you will struggle to maintain a happy state of mind.

However, I have come across a number of people – my former self included – who have simply concluded that they will never have a good sleep pattern. It seems to work something like this:

Have trouble Sleeping >>> Define oneself as an ‘insomniac’ >>> Lose any sense of sleep routine >>> and back to square one!

I’ve even heard of a schoolgirl being allowed to play computer games until three in the morning, because she doesn’t sleep well at night any way! Take it from someone who’s been there, this is a nightmare!

The label of ‘insomniac’ is as unhelpful as it is meaningless. It simply means, ’someone who has trouble sleeping’. Yet, doctors throw it around as if the tired patient in front of them has a hopeless disease that they will be burdened with until the day they die. In fact, to be labeled as an ‘chronic insomnia’ – which certainly sounds serious! – simply means that the patient has had trouble sleeping for at least 3 nights a week for more than a month. Obviously, that’s a hard thing to have to endure, but it’s made a hell of a lot worse by being given the impression that you have a ‘condition’ that may or may not be treatable.

So, if I could give one piece of advice to those struggling with sleep, it would be this: ditch the labels and get practical! (Okay, that’s two, but whoever complains about getting 2-for-1?) Don’t give-in to the idea that you’re just one of those people who can’t sleep well. That may have been your experience so far, but that doesn’t mean that you should just resign yourself to be this way forever. Instead, treat this like you would any other problem you’re currently experiencing – work at finding the solution!

I’m pretty sure that if the teenage girl, mentioned above, was told by the GP that she had acne she wouldn’t just accept that was her set-in-stone destiny. She would research and discover how to live with and deal with acne. She might try new cleansing routines, or buy products to fight acne. At the most, she would accept that she would be this way for a couple of years.

The difference is that she hasn’t been told by the GP that she has insomnia. She’s been told that she is an insomniac. This, according to her doctor, isn’t just something she is experiencing. This is who she is.

I don’t mean to be too harsh on doctors. And it may well be that there is an underlying medical issue affecting a very small minority of people struggling to sleep. I’d certainly recommend getting that ruled out. But don’t stop there. Ask your GP to recommend sleep tips, or teach you some relaxation techniques. In fact, ask him to do anything other than label you!

In fact, I would say that if you are wanting to get beyond the label and start addressing your sleep patterns, there is no better way to begin than with recording the when, why, where, what and how of your sleeping. You might just find that you actually sleep more than you thought you did. Or, you might find that you had somehow picked up the crazy habit of having a Coffee or a Malt Whiskey just before retiring for the night. Either way, it will be useful to start a Sleep Log to document your sleep habits and begin to do something practical to overcome this issue.

There’s one exception and one group of people that I would not recommend keeping a sleep log for, but I’ll come back to that next time.

I should warn you, first of all, that if you’re not used to doing something like this, it will feel silly. Deal with it.

I can honestly say that when I was first taken through an exercise like the one below, I felt like I had learnt to relax for the first time in my life. It was a complete surprise when I later discovered that I could use that feeling of relaxation to combat future stresses that I would encounter.

So, if your wondering if you can use your imagination to relax and reduce stress, I’m living proof! Enjoy these 10 steps to relaxation and stress-reduction, through the simple act of visualisation:

Use Your Imagination to Relax and Reduce Stress

Sit comfortably in a chair.

1. Close your eyes and simply take a deep breath.

Breathe in through your nose, with the same intention that you would smell a rose. You can almost feel the end of your nose tingling.

As you breath in, imagine filling your abdomen, your lower lungs and then your lungs. (Some people have said that it helps to imagine your lungs are just behind your belly button as you are breathing in.) You are practicing deep ‘diaphragmatic breathing’ (rather than shallower higher lung breathing), so when you breathe in, your abdomen should expand.

2. As you breath in, say “Re” and as you breathe out say “lax”.

Imagine yourself breathing in peace and exhaling stress.

3. After a few repetitions of this, begin tensing and relaxing your muscles, from the top of your head all of the way down.

You should try to continue the deep breathing during this stage. If you initially find this too difficult, just stick with the breathing for now.

4. Your body will begin to feel relaxed.

This feeling differs from person to person. For some, their body feels soft and light, as if it is floating on air. For others, it feels heavy, as if it is sinking in water. Feel the relaxation and give in to it.

5. Visualize yourself walking on a path at the Sea-side.

In front of you are steps leading down to the Beach. You take the first step – say “One” in your mind – and as you do so you notice the gentle warmth of the Sun.

Count down each step as you go, down to the tenth and last. With each step you take, you become more aware of your surroundings, feel more relaxed, gentler, warmer.

6. As you reach the bottom step, you are now on the warm, soft sand.

Walk across the soft sand towards the Sea. At this point, you are using as many of your senses as possibe. Hear the waves lapping against the shore. Smell the freshness of the air. Visualise the cool blue Sea. As you step into it, feel the clean, refreshing water cleansing you from the top of your head down to your toes, washing away every bit of stress and anxiety. Enjoy how fresh and clean you feel.

7. Project your thoughts forward.

Now visualise yourself in a potential stressful situation, but allow the warm and gentle feeling of relaxation to continue to soothe your thoughts. Allow the relaxed state you are feeling now to flood your vision. Your mind and body are being conditioned to respond calmly to stress.

8. Leave the Beach, via the steps

Leaving the Beach, keep hold of the pleasing sense of calm achievement, warmth and relaxation.

As you take each step up, count backwards from 10. Feel the joy of knowing you are taking your new-found relaxation with you.

9. Open your eyes slowly

Take with you this calm and relaxing feeling, remembering you can always return to the Beach whenever you choose.

10. When you face a stressful situation, recall the warmth that you felt on the Beach.

If, for example, you’re about to walk into a a stressful board meeting, pause beforehand a take some deep breaths. This has always been sufficient for me to restore the previous feelings of warmth and calm. However, you might want to experiment with taking in 10 deep breaths and going down to the Beach before going to your board meeting. Just remember to come back up at some point or you’re likely to fall asleep on the job!

I know how simple this all sounds, but all I can say is it works. Long before I began Aikido, it was taking those 10 steps down to the beach that convinced me of the effectiveness of breathing, along with the power of the mind to imagine itself out of stress and depression.

Give it a go. And let me know how you get on.

I recently came across an interesting guest post over at Zen Habits.

Murder! Ringing phones, broken equipment, lost data, rude customers, unreasonable deadlines, demanding bosses. A sure-fire recipe for a 187.

The author, Albert Foong, goes on to note that the days we are living in require emotional intelligence and psychologically tested methods ‘to handle anything that happens in a mature and powerful manner.’ The vital first step, predictably – but helpful nonetheless, is taking radical responsibility for our own behaviour. He then goes on to describe the ABC Model:

Albert Ellis, one of the pioneers of Cognitive Psychology, came up with a simple system to describe how we really operate. He called it the ABC model: Antecedent, Belief, and Consequence.

We believe that A leads directly to C. In the example above, Madison antagonised me, leading to my Anger. But that was not true – there was some reaction in between, my beliefs had filtered the experience and therefore created the anger.

The thoughts I had, revealed the beliefs that lay underneath them: We shouldn’t be shouted at; everyone should be polite; she should respect my skills.

The article goes on further to discuss a favourite topic of mine: breathing.

…by cutting out one part of the cycle, we take momentum away until it runs itself out. Psychologists recommend the Stop-Breathe-Leave method.

…Breathing-in consciously is also a powerful meditation technique. Your mind cannot focus on more than one thing at a time, and by focusing your attention on your breath, you turn off all the distorted thoughts. Without the thoughts, the emotions soon die out. Think of a fire – even once it is dead, the coals will remain hot for a while more.Feel the breath. Feel it coming into your nose, down your airways, into your lungs, into your belly, and out again. Don’t force it, just let it come naturally. Pay attention to it for a few minutes.

I’d recommend reading the rest, even if just to see what Ellis’ added “D” stands for. You might not agree with everything written that the article discusses, but I’m pretty sure that most people would much within it that is practically helpful. And if Think Happy! is about anything, it is about practical steps to mental health that can be easily implemented to making an actual practical difference to our day-to-day lives. (Hmmm… I really need to come up with a catchier way of putting that!)

Learning to relax is, in my personal experience, fundamental to living a life of joy. However, because it sounds so simple, it is often by-passed in favour of more ‘mysterious’, ‘ethereal’ or ‘New Age’ solutions.

One of the the most helpful tools that I’ve found in learning to relax is meditation. When it is not part of a particular religious tradition, meditation can seem pretty mundane, leading us to doubt its benefits. As a result, we miss-out on the effective simplicity of advice like this in an article from metaphysical healer and counsellor, Dina Cramer:

Step One: Creating the space for meditation

‘You can create a personal sanctuary for yourself – a place of peace and beauty- a reminder of your commitment to yourself.’

Step Two: Using a CD

Step Three: Meditation posture

‘The main thing is to find a posture that is comfortable for you, in which you can relax fully.’

Step Four: Breathing

I’ve written on this before and am planning an upcoming series on Ki Breathing.

Step Five: Allow yourself to be guided

‘Guided meditations are therefore useful, especially for the beginner meditator, as your mind is kept focused on the process at hand.’

I understand why this advice is given and have enjoyed guided meditations myself. As the author states, for the beginnner, they can be particularly useful. Before I began counselling for stress, I couldn’t even tell you what it felt like to be relaxed! So, it was helpful for me to be gently lead into a relaxed state and have someone there who could guide me as to when I should enjoy the moment, when I should move on, and so on. However, I am also concerned that too much emphasis on guided meditations can disempower people, making them dependant on someone else to learn what it essential a very natural act.

It is also impossible to have a guide with you 24-7, so it can prohibit the ability to reach such a state throughout the day.

Step Six: Enjoy Your Day

Take the wonderful feeling of relaxation, bliss and healing that you have gained from the meditation and radiate it throughout the day.

This is precisely the (wonderful) goal that I fear too many guided meditations can rob us off.

Step Seven: Create a Meditation Discipline

If you are serious about developing your spirituality and empowering yourself, it is a good idea to create a meditation discipline where you are able to meditate everyday, preferably at the same time. This becomes your sanctuary- and the inner peace you gain in meditation will be reflected in your life.

Like I said, it’s simple advice. But, you might just find that it contains the keys to success for your new journey on the pursuit of happiness.

A French Buddhist monk is, according to Scientists, the world’s happiest man. And the good news is that he is sharing his secrets to make the world a happier place.

The trick, he reckons, is to put some effort into it. In essence, happiness is a “skill” to be learned.

Matthieu Ricard, 60, abandoned his distinguished academic career in biochemsitry to study Tibetan Buddhism in the Himalayas. He now works as the French interpreter for the Dalai Lama and took part in studies aimed to demonstrate that meditation can cause significant and lasting change in the levels of happiness.

MRI scans showed that he and other long-term meditators – who had completed more than 10,000 hours each – experienced a huge level of “positive emotions” in the left pre-frontal cortex of the brain, which is associated with happiness. The right-hand side, which handles negative thoughts, is suppressed.

Further studies have shown that even novices who have done only a little meditation have increased levels of happiness. But Mr Ricard’s abilities were head and shoulders above the others involved in the trials.

Personally speaking, the most important factor in learning to relax has been studying Aikido. There are all sorts of reasons for that – and it is something that I intend to write on at length at some other time – but meditation has been a part of it that I have taken into my daily life. The form of meditation that we use as a method to relax, centre ourselves and unify body and mind involves ‘Ki breathing’. Ki breathing also has a number of physical benefits: improvement of circulation, strengthening the body’s immune system, delivery of fresh oxygen and bringing fresh ki into our body in great quantities…

However – and more experienced practitioners of Aikido may want to challenge me on this – in essence it is simply an advanced form of deep, slow breathing, similar to other techniques like yogic breathing. And, isn’t that the first thing that every parent teaches to a child who is stressed or panicking about something?

“Calm down. Breathe. Count to ten.”

Perhaps the path to happiness is less elusive and more natural than we may have thought?

Some time ago, on my anabaptist spirituality blog, I introduced my readers to the joy of Zen Habits.

For those of you who don’t know, Zen Habits is the blog of Leo Babauta and covers: achieving goals, productivity, being organized, motivation, eliminating debt, saving, physical fitness, eating healthy, simplifying, living frugal, parenting, happiness, successfully implementing good habits…

Anyway, I thought that some of you might consider this post on 20 Ways to Eliminate Stress a worthy read:

I don’t believe that a stress-free life is possible. Stress is a response to challenges in life, and a life without challenges is too boring to contemplate. However, I do believe that most of the stress in our lives is unnecessary, and that it can be eliminated by taking some simple (and some not-so-simple) steps. It can’t be accomplished overnight — I’ve been eliminating stressors in my life for awhile now, and I’m still not done. But I think it’s a worthwhile goal.

It’s good stuff.