Think Happy!

This question could hardly be any more important. Almost any time I mention the topic of happiness to people, I encounter two extremes. There are those people who seem overcome by their own ego and are happy to tread on everyone in their way to make more money in the hope of finding more happiness. And then there are those who almost seem willing to be trodden on, because they view seeking happiness as the height of selfishness.

I passionately disagree with both extremes – and I consider them both detrimental to the pursuit of happiness. Instead, I am committed to what I like to ambiguously call Loving Happiness. In short, this is the belief that it is not seeking our own happiness that is selfish; it is seeking our own private happiness at the expense of others that is so. However, a true hedonism – an ethical pursuit of happiness – loves to see happiness spread and recognises the need to take responsibility for that. Ethical hedonists recognise that happiness begins at home.

Ironically, those who are determined not to seek happiness – out of an apparent higher regard for those in need around them – are likely to spread sadness and depression to those they are trying to help. What’s loving about that?

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I’ve just come across a simple-but-useful article at realsimple.

You can read the full piece here, but I’ve included the main points below:

1. Turn your shower into a relaxing ritual
2. Knead away stress with a hand massage
3. Pause for a few soothing seconds
4. Take a nice, sleep-enhancing soak
5. Brush your way to relaxation
6. Chill with aromatherapy

Simple, to the point, but good advice nonetheless. Read the full post here.

It’s easy to blog about keeping your new year’s resolutions, but it seems like I should have resolved to blog more often. Perhaps then you’d see more of me!

Well, I can blame it on starting a new job, or on spending increasing amounts of time on my hypnosis practice. However, that wouldn’t really get us any where. All I really need to do is get blogging!

So, this is just a quick heads up to say that I fully intend to be posting more often, particularly on the primary topic of this blog that remains close to my heart: practical steps to happiness. I’ll also share a few useful memory tips, as well as share some of my thoughts on hypnosis. (On that last point, look out for an interview with the exciting young hypnotist, Nathan Thomas.)

First off, tomorrow I’ll post my review of Mike Reeves-Mcmillan’s excellent book, Changing Health Behaviours.

“How to keep your New Year’s Resolutions” has, unsurprisingly, been a popular topic on blogs and websites over the last couple of months. With only 20% of us managing to keep our resolutions throughout the year, I figure we could use all of the good tips we can get.

The good news is that three months in, some research records that 63% of people say they are still keeping their resolutions. So, some point over the next nine months, 43% of us will finally cave in. That – along with some people’s choice to give something up for Lent – makes now the perfect time to add a little more fuel to the fire and firm up those resolutions.

But, with so much good advice out there, why am I adding to the list? It’s simple really – I’ve not seen this tip anywhere else. And, as bold as it might sound, I believe that the 1 tip I’m including below is the icing on the cake. In fact, without this 1 step, all of the good advice in the world won’t help you keep your resolutions. (That should give-away that what I’m saying is hardly rocket science and has possibly only not been listed elsewhere because it’s just so damn obvious!)

The 1 Key to Keeping your New Year’s Resolutions

You’re gonna kick yourselves, but the 1 step to keeping your New Year’s Resolutions is actually incredibly simple:

You Have to WANT it!

I know what you’re thinking – that’s ridiculously obvious. That may be so, but that doesn’t mean it’s taken as seriously, or given as much credit, as it should be.

For example, the top two New Year’s Resolutions are:

1. Lose Weight
2. Quit Smoking

The trouble is, hardly anyone wants to do those things. And, as if it needs saying, no one’s going to do something they don’t want to do. As Blaise Pascal, the renowned 17th century philosopher and mathematician wrote:

“All men seek happiness without exception. They all aim at this goal however different the means they use to attain it. . . .They will never make the smallest move but with this as its goal. This is the motive of all the actions of all men, even those who contemplate suicide.”

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Tomorrow, I’ll be posting my 1 key tip to keeping your resolutions (New Years, or otherwise). However, I couldn’t pass the opportunity to link to a post discussing one of my favourite topics: Speed Reading.

Over at Lifehack, Thursday Bram has written a useful introductory article on the subject.

Speed reading isn’t just a matter of cranking up the speed at which your eyes cross a page, though: there are multiple methods for increasing your reading speed. It’s also worth considering that different approaches to reading have both benefits and drawbacks. In general, the methods that allow a person to read faster don’t always provide for the same level of comprehension that slower reading allows.

Read the rest here.

In a couple of days, I’ll be posting some tips on how to keep your resolutions. (Now seems like a good time, because I guess it’s around now that some of us are flagging.) In the meantime, enjoy this good stuff, from Pick the Brain:

Something happened on the way to adulthood. Somehow I started to become burdened with obligations and responsibilities. I became regretful over decisions made and full of doubts about those that would have to be tackled in the future.  I became saddened by the bad things that happened to the good people I knew, and from reading about the misfortunes of strangers. Life simply was no longer fun.

I would hazard to guess that many adults feel this way. In between childhood and adulthood, things like work, marriage and family intervene and suddenly we become incapable of experiencing the pure, unadulterated happiness we felt when, as kids, we were free of all these things.

…When we were children, we were given permission to devote endless amounts of time to playing games, having fun and laughing. As adults, no one is giving us this permission, so we’ve got to give it to ourselves, without feeling guilty about it. We work hard, so why shouldn’t we be able to have some fun?

Read the rest here.

Well, I guess that Christmas is the time for miracles, so finding this story today was a welcome discovery.

Anyone watching the patient known as “TN” successfully navigate his way through an obstacle course would have thought an eerie “sixth sense” was guiding his path.

Blinded by two strokes that destroyed his visual cortex, he has been unable to see for years, despite having healthy eyes. Nevertheless, TN successfully avoided all the obstacles, without a single mishap.

…TN’s ability is a rare form of “blindsight” – a condition where brain-damaged individuals who don’t have a mental image of their surroundings still subconsciously react to visual information.

…Brain scans had previously revealed that TN could recognise facial expressions, since the amygdala region showed increased activity when he was faced with fearful, angry or joyous faces. This suggested his mind could process some visual information, albeit subconsciously.

See for yourself below:

Isn’t it just incredible, what the brain can do?

Meditation may be more effective than drug treatments for preventing relapses into depression.

Mike Reeves-McMillan points to an interesting find on the BBC News website, which reports that Group meditation is as effective as drug treatments for stopping people slipping back into depression. The study, published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, found that Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy was actually more effective than medication in improving patients’ quality of life.

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy is a blend of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and meditation techniques rooted in Buddhism. The effectiveness of Mindfulness practice lies in helping patients recognise their patterns of thinking and to note drops in their mood. This then enables them to stop depression in its tracks. Speaking personally, one of the most powerful things I’ve learned whilst battling depression is putting the breaks on the escalation of negative thoughts. So, this sounds great to me!

If you want to find more, check out the following links:

1. Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy at Wikipedia
2. www.mbct.com
3. www.mbct.co.uk
4. The Prescription is Meditation
5. Center for Mindfulness
6. The Mindful Way through Depression by J. Mark G. Williams, John D. Teasdale, Zindel V. Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn

And, of course, a hat-tip goes to Mike.

“Daddy, teach me something!”

My kids have a great thirst for knowledge. The only problem is that I’m fairly sure they’ll discover the limits of my own knowledge pretty soon! (My 11-year old daughter is getting close with some of the Maths homework she brings home.)

Recently, my children and I were talking about the things that I’ve taught them over the years. They were partly mocking some of the nonsense I come out with from time to time and partly expressing amazement at discovering that their old man sometimes comes out with stuff worth knowing!

Somehow, we got on to the topic of “Life Lessons”, which my eldest daughter bizarrely described as “What I would say if a journalist asked me, after you’d died, ‘What lessons did your dad teach you?’”

As you’d expect, it took me a while to come up with an answer. In fact, I think I ended up only giving one “lesson” that day. I gave a new answer, on average, every 2 months.

Life Lesson #1 : Blessed to Be a Blessing

My first answer was straight out of my religious background. (The phrase is inspired by the story of the calling of Abram/Abraham in Genesis 12.) Though I might not give the story the significance I once did, I still think that the phrase captures something really beautiful.

You are Blessed

How would we change if we took the time, each day, to remind ourselves that we have been blessed. I don’t necessarily mean in a religious sense (i.e. by ‘God’), but if that works for you, go for it. I simply mean recognising the countless gifts that are given to us, undeserved, each day.

Everyone’s list will vary, but I’m guessing yours would look something like this:

Sunlight, fresh air, birds singing, family, friends, clean drinking water…

The trouble is, when we’re really not in a Think Happy kind of place, we easily lose sight of these basic blessings. So, here’s a useful exercise to develop those gratitude muscles:

Read the rest of this entry »

I really don’t like simply linking to other blogs all of the time. I’d much rather write my own stuff and enjoy the conversations that flow out of that. So, I was all set to write about the recent publication of a 20-year study by the British Medical Journal, on the Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network.

While there are many determinants of happiness, whether an individual is happy also depends on whether others in the individual’s social network are happy. Happy people tend to be located in the centre of their local social networks and in large clusters of other happy people. The happiness of an individual is associated with the happiness of people up to three degrees removed in the social network. Happiness, in other words, is not merely a function of individual experience or individual choice but is also a property of groups of people.

I bookmarked the article and made a note to write a post about its findings, after the kids had gone to bed. Then, later, I got back online and came across this post from Alex. Just once, I’d like to get there first!

So, to demonstrate that I am not a sore hat-tipper, let me encouage you over to Alex’s place. His brief post – and the comments – raise an interesting question about the report and its findings on the spread of sadness/low morale in the workplace.