Think Happy!

As you know, I’ve been thinking about Byron Katie lately. Although that post discussed some concerns, I’m actually pretty positive about The Work and more than happy to recommend it. In fact, it is my positivity towards it, that makes me want to spend few posts assessing it as objectively as possible, warts and all.

(It may be down to my British cynicism, but if you’re anything like me, you automatically resist anything that is surrounded by hype. (It takes me ages to go and see the latest blockbusting movie!) So, I find it far more helpful if something is recommended even though it’s less than perfect. The reality of an honest review is, well, more real!)

Having said that, if I’m going to spend time suggesting some possible weaknesses in Byron Katie’s work, it would seem like a good thing to start on a positive note. The trouble is, someone beat me to it!

One of my favourite bloggers, The Urban Monk, has written a couple of posts that are worth reading:

1. Undoing Your Painful Thoughts with The Work of Byron Katie, Part One
2. Examining Cause and Effect with The Work of Byron Katie, Part Two

Go and check them out, but just remember to come back to enjoy some of my negativity!

Do you fancy being happier? I don’t just mean, “happy”, but happier.

If so, you’ll enjoy these words from the hypnotist, Adam Eason:

I dont know about you, but I would never want to think that I ever reached the pinnacle of happiness and could not go any further, would you?

Happy is static. In order to supercharge your internal dialogue and language in general, you can mobilise the words and get them moving onwards and upwards for you. You can change “Happy” to “Happier and happier” or “more and more happy” or “increasingly happy” or “progressively more happy” or “more and more appropriately happy.” Use whatever feels right for you, just use other words to develop and power it up.

It is that notion of being progressive with our language that leads on to levels of actual happiness in life. Happiness: everyone wants it and most people can’t get enough of it. Is there a way to become happier than you are now?

Now, I know that you know that I’d love what comes next:

Some research indicates that the saying “Think happy thoughts” is the way to go if you are looking for a way to increase your level of happiness. One study found that people who thought about positive events in their own lives for just eight minutes per day for three days felt better about their lives a month later. Their satisfaction with their own lives increased significantly by simply thinking about happy life events. So is that all we have to do? Just think about the day you got married, or the time when your kids were young, or your 16th birthday party when all your friends were there?

…In he same way as weight reduction, if you want to become happier, you have to be able to put effort into it. I’m not sure if simply thinking happy thoughts for a few minutes a day undoubtedly make you happier, but it definitely won’t work if you only do it for a few days!

If you really want to change your life and make yourself happier, make a plan and stick to it! Take a few minutes every day to reflect on happy times, or take up a new hobby you know you can keep, or decide to go out with good friends once a week.

Now whatever you do, decide it’s worth the effort to stick to a progressive plan of being an increasingly happier person…

As I announced on my anabaptist blog, I’m working my way back to full health and online presence.

I’m amazed that it’s taken so long to get over such a small thing, but I’m pretty pleased that I managed not to rush it. After all, I’d rather stay off line for a month than risk losing sight in one eye!

So, whilst I ease myself back in, why not check out these posts:

Making and Keeping Man Friendships

Dealing With In-Laws Without Losing My Mind

Making up stories

What is Yoga all about?

I just wanted to pop-by and explain the absence of posting recently.

My 4-month old daughter was flailing her arms around in delight on Saturday and managed to poke me in the eye. At the time it felt pretty painful, but not unbearable. However, within hours it was becomming more and more uncomfortable and I ended up going to hospital early on Sunday morning.

It’s not too reassuring when the Dr.s give a sharp in-take of breath!

Apparently, my cornea has been scratched and has a large abrasion across it. The bad news is that there is nothing they can do for the pain, which is caused by my eyelid rubbing across the abrasion and ripping off the new cells. The good news? It’ll only take two months to healcompletely!

So, I’m limiting my time online, because the blurring in my left eye makes it quite painful to read. However, I’m presuming that things will get progressively better, so I will get round to publishing those posts I’ve been talking about for so long!

Sorry about the silence, folks, I’ve been enjoying the sights and sounds of Colorado Springs. What a place!

Anyway, while catching up on emails and such, I came across a George Bernard Shaw quote that I thought was too good not to pass on:

If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples then you and I will still each have one apple.

But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these, then each of us will have two ideas.

It’s a beaut, isn’t it?

I’m flying to the States for a week, in a couple of days, so this seemed particularly appropriate: 5 Simple Ways To Conquer Your Fear Of Flying.

I’m feeling far more trepidation than I’d expected, but – as with most things of this nature – it’s difficult to pin it down to anything specific. I suspect that it’s simply a case of not having flown for so long. However, it is common for fear of flying to increase as one ages and has children.

Anyway, these five points bear further consideration – and I’ll soon be about to report on their effectiveness:

1. Know What To Expect
2. Understand Why Flying Is Actually Safe
3. Sit On The Wing And Breathe The Fresh Air
4. Just Pretend You’re On A Bus
5. Sedatives Are Just A Doctor’s Appointment Away

Check out the full post here.

I’ve been investigating Byron Katie’s Loving What Is recently. (I guess she’d say I’ve been doing the work on The Work!) There’s a lot there that I like. And a lot that I’ll need to come back to.

I’m more than happy learning from people with whom I might not share every opinion. So, my hesitations over some of what she says aren’t the end of the world. However, I’m sure I’m not the only person who raised an eyebrow or two over how she dealt with a woman who had experienced incest at the age of 8.

For those of you who don’t know, The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that involves asking four questions and then a ‘turnaround’:

1.  Is it true?

2. Can I absolutely know it’s true?

3. How do I react when I believe that thought?

4. Who would I be without that thought/story?

Turn it around. (To self, other or an opposite.)

I’ve actually found that these simple questions lead to some rather profound realisations. However, it’s in the turnarounds that there is some real power for personal transformation. Some examples, from one of the official sites, include:

…“Paul doesn’t understand me” can be turned around to “Paul does understand me.” Another turnaround is “I don’t understand Paul.” A third is “I don’t understand myself.”

“Paul shouldn’t shout at me” turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes. Am I listening?)
- I shouldn’t shout at Paul.
- I shouldn’t shout at me.
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul’s shouting? Who’s more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)

Read the rest of this entry »

G. K. Chesterton, the famous Catholic journalist once wrote:

‘There are two ways to get enough: one is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.’

This strikes me as incredibly profound.

How much misery enters our lives through the desire for things – or circumstances – that we don’t have. Even if we get that one thing, the desire for more is insatiable and there is soon some other unmet longing to take its place. The most that we can hope for, in such a situation, is for a brief respite from the cycle of desire-dissatisfaction and reward-desire.

That’s a terrible prison to live in.

I intend to post more about this in the future, when I write about Embracing the Moment.

Given the recent post on the benefits of friendship, I thought this deserved a link.

Goodlife Zen posts 35 Ways to Create Lasting Friendships:

I’ve collected 35 tips for you on how to create lasting friendships. Some of the tips are about finding friends, others are about how to deepen a friendship once it’s formed. Finally there are some points on how to repair a friend.

Then, under the marvellous heading, Good friends help us to understand who we really are, Mary Jaksch offers some useful tips that are well-worth a read

Speaking from personal experience, I would say that number 20 is particularly valuable.

20. Don’t gossip. If a new friend hears you revealing personal stories of othere, he or she will be wary of your discretion.

The one thing that isn’t mentioned, but that is related to the above (and is implied by a number of other points), is Honesty. I know of no other practice that I value most in my friends.

I’ve just come across a refreshing article over at The National.

It is not simply your mental health which benefits from a broad network of friends but your physical well-being. There is a big biological pay-off, it seems, to having a strong social circle.

Friends can boost your defences against disease, help you heal, lower your blood pressure, improve your cholesterol and help you live longer in older age, says research.

The University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research says, “Social relationships or the relative lack of constitute a major risk factor for health – rivalling the effects of well-established health risk factors such as cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity.”

…Many studies have found that friends – the old-fashioned kind that you talk to on the phone, e-mail, or meet with in person – can improve your immune system.

They help you handle stress by reducing your production of the hormone cortisol, which has a negative effect on your mood and your body’s natural defences.

…The Ohio State University psychologist Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, who studies friendship and health, calls social support the most reliable psychological indicator of an improved immune response that has been found.

…For women with breast cancer, social support is associated with a better outcome. Research by the University of California found that socially isolated women had a higher risk of dying after a diagnosis of breast cancer. In a study from Stanford University in the US, women with advanced breast cancer who attended a weekly support group lived twice as long as those who did not.

Another study by the University of California showed that women reacted to stress by producing brain chemicals that actually caused them to make and maintain friendships with other women.

Apparently, when women enjoy a supportive friendship, more of the so-called “love hormone” oxytocin is released, which reduces stress and creates calm. Oxytocin is the hormone linked with attachment, connection, nurturing, bonding, and mothering.

This calming effect is not as effective in men because when men experience stress they produce high levels of testosterone, which reduces the effects of oxytocin rather then promotes it. Oestrogen levels in women enhance oxytocin release.

But both men and women with a strong network of friends live longer, according to an Australian study that followed 1,500 people over the age of 70 for 10 years.

The research showed that having a group of good friends is even more important to living longer than having close family ties.

Friendship. Now there’s a topic we don’t hear enough about.

You can read the full article here.